how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Randomize
