shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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