we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
