put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
