I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
