Your mouth is God's brothel.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
