We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
