Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
