So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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