She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
All I want is dick and wine.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
