well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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