I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
