Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
