My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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