So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
