Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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