im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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