she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
