I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My vagina is officially offended.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
