It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
