fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
