Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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