Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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