Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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