Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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