Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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