Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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