tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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