aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
MIDGETS
????
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
