my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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