You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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