Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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