No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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