She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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