I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
