his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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