On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize