my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
