my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
