We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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