oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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