Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
