and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
