I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
