To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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