So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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