If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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