Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
