Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
