I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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