if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
