ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
