Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
