at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
