I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
