That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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