He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
