Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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