We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
