sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
only you would photoshop your dick
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Randomize
