Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
