Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
