in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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