you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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