oh god the rape fog is back!
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
