conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
