dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Can Purell be used as lube?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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