your room smells of hookers.
And success
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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