Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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