So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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