do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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