I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
