does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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