it was like his penis was on wheels.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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