ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
