Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
