I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
