I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Everyone says I win the strip club
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
