I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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