I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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