I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
